Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Barf!

Valentine's Day is getting closer, and you know what that means? It means another depressing year surrounded by lots of cute, beautiful, sweet, and thoughtful couples, gifts, and ideas. This makes me want to barf. You know, I have never had a boyfriend over either my birthday or Valentine's Day. This year is the first time, and he is an ocean and half a continent away. Pardon me if I am not in the holiday spirit.

Every year I trick myself a week before Valentine's Day into thinking, "I don't need sweet sentiments from non-family members to validate my worth." It works for a while, and I even make pacts with my girlfriends to boycott the Hallmark Hell. Then disaster always strikes.

They all get chocolates or cards and I don't. Usually it is from guys who have secret little crushes on them, they start talking, and happy fucking VD, they start dating. So much for our little pact, it's ruined along with my delusions of brushing off Hallmark for just one year. The only Valentines I ever get are from my dad and my mother (occasionally my sister).

Just to clear this all up, I am in no short supply of guys, nor am I hard up for a date. I just was not blessed with the qualities of women whom guys feel the need to spend money or thought on. The group of guys this is aimed at is not the romantic interest group, but the guy friend group. What I'm trying to say is even the girls who are "just one of the guys" need some Valentine's loving. As much as they say they don't need a stupid Hallmark holiday to validate their existence, they do, and that is why they are so angry about it. It hurts when the guys who we support when their girlfriends break up with them, they didn't make the team, or are having trouble with their boss forget about us. We are the girls who support you guys when you need anything female and don't want to call your mother, the girls who bring pizza over to watch the game, the girls who sit with you when you hate the female gender and agree that, yes in fact, girls are bitches. We are the girls who are your translators in communicating with women. The ones to whom you owe the ability to know what to say in sticky situations. The ones who end up being right when they say, "She's not good for you, she's psycho." We are the girls who don't get Valentines because their guys forget about them and make them feel under-appreciated.

I am sick of picking out gifts for your girlfriend or trying to hook you up with my hot friends and getting no reciprocation on the one day when I need the most emotional support. This year, I am supporting Anti-Valentine's day. I am sending everybody Anti-Valentine's. Don't be surprised if you get a card that say, "I hate you, happy fucking VD." This is just my little way of saying, "Your welcome", or "Valentine's Day really is a shit day."

Just FYI for those guys who have that one special girl who could be their best man in their wedding.

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