Wednesday, September 29, 2004


I was on the bus the other day, gently listening in on this girls conversation when I felt very old. First of all she said she was born in 1990 and the guy she was scheming on was born in 1989. Second of all she said he would be turning sixteen soon, and she would like to get with him but it would be illegal for him. Her friend said it wouldn't be the first time they did somethign illegal. On top of all that, if she hadn't said her age, I would have pegged her at 17 easily (makeup, tight crop top, and very low hip huggers). I felt old because a. She was born in 1990 and is a teenager. b. She was born in 1990 and is talking about having sex. c. I was secretly chastising this 14 year old for wearing such slutty clothes to school and talking about having sex and other such illegal things. Maybe there is something in the water out here that makes everybody act like they are on their way to teenage motherhood.


We found the blue cup that had been missing. It somehow found its way into Nicole's clothes box. It is a really big deal for me because I like the blue cup the best.

Monday, September 27, 2004

The Neighbor Who Wouldn't Die

Nicole and I got a noise complaint. The landlord came by on Sunday to check the sink and said that a couple weekends ago, somebody told him I came home drunk and slammed a door and woke him up. That's VERY interesting because before this weekend, I haven't come home drunk. I haven't slammed any doors, we don't have a stereo to blast, we have had a maximum of two guests at a time, and we never have had any guests past 11:30. Plus, our neighbors wake us up ALL THE TIME by not turning off alarm clocks when they aren't home, letting their car alarms go on forever, and hitting the walls and stomping on the floors. We never report them, but now that they have said something about our incredibly loud shutting of a door, I think I will say something to him. Plus, somebody has parked their truck in our parking space for 3 weeks because they want to sell it. Maybe they have no life so they wait until they have something to complain about to give their life meaning. I don't know why they hate us, but they aren't getting rid of us until July 31 when our lease is up. Until then, we pay our rent all the same and they can suck it.

Vanishing Handle Trick

After 5 people finished 1.5 handles of hard alcohol, I realized that world was suddenly a lot more happy. I also realized some essential truths for a crazy tropical party.
1. People enjoy taking shots with you, no matter how full the shot glass is.
2. People enjoy listening to you struggle to count to a hundred in a language you barely know and have to contort your vocal cords for.
3. It is impossible to resolve an argument when drunk because both parties believe they are right. (I know I am right. Somebody tried to tell me Agent Orange was a viral infection and E. bola was derived from it.)
4. It is never a good idea to booty dance on a friend when they are drunk because they think you want to "take it to the next level".
5. It is usually beneficial to get home before 5:30 am.
6. They people above me left their alarm clock on again for 5:00.
7. When drunk, people don't care about the silk tie you bought at the silent auction, even if you insist that they do.
8. Positive messages to sisters on phone are very easy to leave.
9. It sucks when you run out of milk for cereal when drunk/hungover.
10. Rock climbers, when drunk, like to climb on ledges/walls/outsides of lanais and talk about counting to a hundred in different languages.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Going Somewhere, Sometime

I called the NWA Booking hotline today (1-800-225-2525) and bought a plane ticket. I am a little bit upset for a few reasons, one of which is only my own fault. The one that is my fault is that I fudged the return date and put it as Jan. 10. I should have done the 8th or 9th because the 10th is the Monday classes start. I get in on the evening of the 10th so I'm not going to stress too much. I am also upset because the lady kept trying to charge me all $600+ when I had a $300 voucher. If I was going to pay $600+ I would have bypassed the crazy lady and had deep conversations with my silicon travel agent. Thirdly, she didn't understand airport codes. I said SDF and she had no freaking clue what I was talking about. I know she doesn't know that is Louisville, but all she has to do is type it into a freaking keyboard. She also didn't understand half the stuff I was saying. I honestly don't know where I bought a ticket to, but I hope I get there safely.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Car Alarms and Upstairs Stomping

My neighbors upstairs don't sleep. They tromp around on the hardwood floors* and all.fucking.night. If they do sleep, they sleep somewhere else and leave their alarm on. They won't come home until 6 am which means the alarm is going off for at least two hours. They slam doors and take showers at 1:30. They drop things and seem like they bump into wall a whole lot. They also complained about Nicole's suitcase making too much noise when she rolled it on the balcony. Why can't they just go to hell already? pair that with somebody trying to steal a car at 6-8 this morning seting off all sorts of car alarms, and you have a sleepy George.

*They do it in shoes. Our building has a specific *no shoes inside* clause in the lease.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


Last night an odd sensation started in my left foot. It hasn't gone away. It feels like I am walking with a ball tucked on the outside part of my heel. At first I thought the floor had a hump in it, but EVERYWHERE would have to have a hump and I didn't feel it with the right foot. Then I thought my sock could have something in/stuck to it, but I still felt it when I was barefoot. It doesn't hurt, but it doesn't feel good either. Any ideas on what it is?

*I did not where slippers yesterday, I wore sneakers.

Vouch This

I have a voucher to use for my incredibly expensive plane ticket home in December. I got this voucher for $300 when I so graciously gave up my seat on a flight and agreed to fly out the next day. When I tried to use this voucher online, I was informed I must call 1-800-fuck-you for redemption because it was issued before May 26, 2004. I find this odd because the total domination of e-ticket kiosks and the obliteration of people who know how to make tickets on the regular magic airport computer happened long long ago. Long before May 26, 2004. Why then must I have to deal with people at when getting my tickets?? The only people I want to deal with are the people who strip search me (it's the most play I get all year), the people who give me drinks and food, and the people in the isle I wake up when my bladder screams out in pain (always during rough patches of sky). Bizzare.

Friday, September 17, 2004

New Laws

There really should be some law against hot Egyptian men trying to sell me things. For some reason, whenever they suggest anything, it takes all my might to say no. There's this one company at the mall and all they employ are beautiful Egyptian men.

Everybody get ready for the weekend because there is NO FREAKING WAY this one can be worse than the last.

I pledged at, and so should you.

*side note* I learned in my Arabic class the other day that taliban means two (2) students.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

The Hawaiian Job

I got a TB skin test yesterday. Why you might ask? Because I am now gainfully employed in the state of Hawaii. Ok, so I haven't been processed yet because they haven't done final call backs yet. I know I have the job because the lady said, "I like you and we will definitely be giving you a call back. If you don't have a Hawaii TB test you need to get it." I think that means I got the job. The job is serving at this place called Hiroshi's. It's a fusion (Eurasian cuisine) restaurant that is opening up November 1. It's right next to Ruth's Chris in downtown Honolulu. I get paid $6.13 an hour +tips (minimum for servers in Hawaii), and after 30 days I have the option for medical and dental. The only thing I think I will have difficulty on is alcohol because I have never served it before. If anybody knows any tips about cocktails and polite ways of cutting off drunk people, I'm all ears.

More Reason I Love My Mom

Yesterday, after sitting around thinking about picking up my package that had been at the post office for a week but procrastinating because it is hotter than balls at 3 in the afternoon, I got off my lazy duff to go find the post office. I found it, and it is the one place of any importance (besides the coffee shop and Subway) that Nicole and I live near. I picked up my package and tromped up to my apartment on the top of the world and, out of breath, opened my door. First I cursed my mail box because my mail is always soaked. Second, I turned on my fan, got the scissors, and went to town on the box. Inside were the most fantastic presents ever. I got dish towels and pot holders, earrings and DVDs, chopsticks and knives, instant breakfast, Rice-a-Roni, and tapioca, and a little grey pound puppy. Mom was right, it was enough to keep me completely engrossed for ten minutes.

*Side Note* Last night I saw mutant cockroach run into my house. It was my size and picked up a chair to throw at me. I deflected to chair and went in on the defense. Nicole screamed for me to kill it over and over while I put it in a head lock and punched it till its exoskeleton cracked. It tried stomping on my feet to get my to let go, but I held fast. Eventually it had lost too much green stuff to keep on living, so I hit it on the head with a hammer for good measure. I wrapped the carcass up in a plastic sheet and dumped the weighted body into the Ala Wai. I give it four day until the body surfaces, but by then all the evidence will have washed away.

Waste the Brain 100%?

Since everybody and their brother works all the time out here and I have no other friends, I have decided to spend all of next week at the Cinema Paradise Indy Film Festival. My dilemma is this: I can't decide whether to get the festival pass ($50) or pay per movie ($6 per movie). What do you all think? I think I live a sad enough life to get the whole festival pass. Some of the films I am looking forward to seeing are Tokio Breakfast, Dead Heat Under the Shrubs, and September Tapes.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Argument for Lesbianism

What is it about male dispositions that makes them act like asshole-ios? This whole weekend was me getting mad at the male gender.

Friday~ This guy (we will call him AH1) was all "I want to take you out and get to know you" and "I have good southern values and you're really smart". As soon as I leave, he scrumps one of my friends. He then proceeds to call me the next day and ask me out, neglecting to tell me about his sexcapades with one of my close friends. I found out from Nicole. Saturday I chewed him up one wall and down the other. His question to me was, "Have you been drinking?" (I wasn't)

Saturday~ I went to Kaneohe for a barbecue. Around 9 pm I wanted to go home. The guy I came with was drunk so I called my friend E for a ride. E said he would drive 25 min to pick me up if I met him at the gate. I secured a ride to the gate with one of Nicole's "friends" (AH2). E called to say he was close.

Me: My friend's almost here.
AH2: Ok (did nothing)
Me: my friend's here
AH2: ok (did nothing)

2 minutes late he walked downstairs for 5 minutes. He came back upstairs and looked for his keys for a while and said "I cant' find them you need to get another ride." knowing full well I didn't know anyone or even where I was. He wouldn't give me directions so my friend could pick me up. I got to my friend with the help of some very friendly strangers who gave him directions. It kind of seemed like they were trying to keep me there so I would have to stay in one of their rooms, don't you think?

Friday, September 10, 2004

Irishmen and Toilet Cleaner

There are actually 2 parts to this story. The first is about how my neighbors hate me. I'm not imagining it. Nicole swore I was until she got back on Tuesday and they yelled at her too. She went on the wrong floor and somebody up there complained that her suitcase made too much noise. The yelled, "STOP THAT! STOP MAKING THAT NOISE!!!" Also, they yelled at me when somebody else parked in my parking space. They also accused me of washing my clothes at 2 in the morning. I don't understand why they hate me so much. I don't have visitors over and about the loudest I get is talking on the phone or when I have a movie on. The movies can only be as loud as my computer will allow, so they aren't loud. I just put them on so I can sleep.
The reason Nicole was on the wrong floor is because I wasn't there. I had gone to this party for these Irish guys. They had this bottle of stuff called 96. It's 192 proof alcohol that they got in cypress. Well peer pressure and wine mad me be stupid enough to drink a capfull. And do tequila shots. I think I burned a hole in my stomach lining. Everybody was having a good time, especially the Irish guys singing about Sweet Molly Malone and Yogi Bear. HPD go called on us and everybody got kicked out, including the Irish guys who were renting the place (short term rental). The owner of the unit swore they trashed the place (which they didn't, so when they were allowed back in to get their things, they trashed the place. It was very much worth it, the hole in the stomach and the run in with HPD. I can only hope for more fun times ahead...

PS~ I remember the song about Yogi Bear still.

Friday, September 03, 2004

The Hunt

For those of you that don't know, Hawaii is freaking expensive to live in. I mean, a gallon of milk cost $6. I hang my head in resignation because I need a job. I went out this week and applied at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company and Cheeseburger in Paradise. Bubba Gump's may be a winner, I have to call about my second interview. Monday I'm going to go down to The Cheesecake Factory and get an interview as well. Golly gee I hope I get a job soon so I can have excuses to be out of the house.

On a lighter note, I'd like to share with my loyal readers some of the lines I have heard in the past two weeks:
1. You have a very nice physique. I can see you stripping.
2. I saw you when you came in and have been watching you since then. (2 hours after I came in.)
3. What else do you have pierced? (nothing) Are you sure?
4. (my favorite) Wow, you have really big breasts! (This was said to me by some guy with a backpack selling weed in Waikiki, skank capital of the world. After he said it I was so surprised I couldn't even speak. I actually put my hand on my chest and leaned back like they do in the movies. He tried to save himself by saing "not you", but I am the only one of my friends with more than a B cup.)