What was it?

I was just sitting at my desk, studying for anatomy, when all of a sudden I smell this truly wretched smell. I thought it might have been some random new addition in out room seeping up trough the floor boards or the room next door had been changed into a morgue for the SEVERELY decomposed. I started sniffing around our room to find the smell and the scent took me out to the hallway. The smell was more accurately a tuna-shit smell. It smelled like some one took a big can of rotten tuna and a pound of really raunchy shit and cooked it in a big pot. As I got closer to the bathroom the smell made me want to vomit. It was so strong I had to turn around and go back to my room. She must have been saving up that shit all day while eating curry to land a shit that stinky. Either that or it was a stinky shit mixed with a really nasty infection.

Why Am I So Gay?

I found out from The Spark's Gay test, I am 56% gay. I took it as a straight girl and a lesbian. The average for a straight woman is 32% gay and the average for a lesian is 45% gay. I'm more lesbian than a lesbian. Why am I so gay? Is it because the Chinese Hairdresser shaved part of my head?

I also found out from The Spark's Sex Test that I am 62% sexy and that I will have sex with 56 people in my life time and will love three of them. 27 of these partners will be female. WHY AM I SO GAY?

They Really Aren't All That Cuddly

I got to pet a white rhino yesterday. Despite what you may think, they really are not all that petable. They like to be scratched behind their ears and to eat apples. I also got to drive a 7 passenger van to and from the zoo.

More Shorter?

I'd just like every one to be glad they live in an area where their hairdresser speaks they same language they do. It is really hard to convey your hair style in English to a Chinese lady who says "More shorter? Really Shorter?" when you talk to her. She didn't pick up on what I wanted until halfway through so my hair looks like a cross between my normal cut and a shaved monkey.

GROSS STORY ALERT!!

So I was in anatomy lab looking for all these blood vessels. Mr. T and I were looking for the testicular vein, the main one, and we had just picked up the guts to find it. We moved them aside and saw it.

He said, "Is that you testicular whatever?", and then dropped the piece of tissue back over it so I couldn't see.

I said, "Move it over again, pull it. Can you pull it?"

So he pulled it and a big mess of fat and dead sheep gut juice splashed in my face and all up in my eyes. I couldn't see so I took off my gloves and put them in the trash can and had somebody help me to the sink to rinse out my eyes while the entire class was laughing at me. I was laughing too so it was ok. I'm kind of glad it was me because I really didn't feel like cleaning up somebody's puke and most people in my class would have puked in that situation, but it really sucked that I got this shit in my eyes.

The moral is, never say "pull it" in anatomy lab.

Hmmm...

I took this drinky quiz and found I am a tall glass of beer, but I am having difficulty finding a good place for it on here....any suggestions? I need html code for it too, because I had a tendency to skip tech 1 and go get body piercings or tattoos; I don't remember jack shit.

FYI

For those who don't know:
Ohana means family.
Oof means scrump, lay, boink, bone, whatever.
Haole is a sometimes derogatory term for a mainlander.
Shi-shi means piss, both verb and noun.
Dolphins have hinged penises (peni? Which is correct?)
RS has a sweet tooth equivalent to mine (we'll be diabetics together some day).
Blogger spell check sucks.
Spell check doesn't recognize Hawaiian words.
I need Mexican food...VERY BADLY!

Scottish Sex

An Excerpt from Ghani's Blog:

"Things I'm learning from my neighbors upstairs:
After five minutes of loud, moaning sex (good job there, stud), the best thing to do is rearrange your furniture and start hammering at something on the wall. Or the floor. Then, start uncontrollably sobbing at the top of your lungs."

I heard this last night at the beginning of my drinking spree. It was shortened, only about 30 sec. of the loud sex followed by a fairly long period of furniture rearranging. The sobbing was barely audible because the room this was coming from was down the hall and up a floor.

Will You Still Respect Me in the Morning?

Have you ever woken up and wondered two things:
1. Where am I?
2. What did I do last night?
That is what I was thinking this morning along with "How did I get so drunk?"
The answers to these questions are (in order of remembrance):
1. I am on the floor in one of the apartments with the girl across the hall.
2. I got really drunk celebrating this guy's birthday when I don't know the guy.
3. On top of my four beers, I finished off about 5 40s.

I think finishing off other people's beer is like eating food off of other people's plates. In the food sense, you don't realize you are eating so much until you end up fat. In the drink sense, you don't realize you are drinking so much until you end up drunk.

In Hawaii...

...the best time to empty the two large dumpsters in front of my window is at 5:45 am. This works best if done as noisily as possible. The more people you wake up, the better your job was done.

...1.5 hours is too short of a time to make up a test you have already taken. This is especially true if the test is made of exactly the same questions.

...when you don't need on AOL you can get on, but when it thinks you are doing something important, like replying to your sister's email, it will kick you off. (look in the Mexican or hot sauce aisle, sister)

...the time difference sucks.

...it is likely you will get threatened, beat up, or picked on if you are white.

...cheese throwing at 2 am is a sport. If you get it all the way down the hall, leaving chunks behind, and get one chunk in the bathroom, you are a champ.

...the excuse for every sexual act, shameful or not, is "I was drunk."

...the excuse "I don't want to drink" is not acceptable.

...there are funny trees that cause allergic reactions on EVERYBODY.

...if you weigh over 100 lbs, you look like a heffer.

...people will make fun of you if boys always cat-call you. They tend to blame it on your boobs, but you blame it on the boys. No, the boobs were asking for it.

...the proper way to say hello at 3 am is to honk your car/moped/bicycle horn for a full minute.

...to get your point across or to make a valid statement you must say "like" 5 times in each sentence and follow the whole statement up with "yeah", e.g. "Sorry, yeah. Thought it was you."

...Coke is a rare product. If you don't like drinking Pepsi, you are SOL.

...there is an ice epidemic, and I don't mean there is a frozen water epidemic.

...you can't walk across the street without stepping on 25 feral cats.

I'm Not an Ax Murderer; I Just Play One on TV

Friday night we saw the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If you like movies with plot, I would not recommend this movie. I mean, she is on the highway but decides she would be safer in the meat factory. JEEZ! The whole night was frustrating. I was with my friend's friends and they acted just like I did when I was 16. That's right, we stood around for the good majority of the night in parking lots discussing what we were going to do. That and they seemed to have no concept of the consequences of their actions. I, on the other hand, had to be up early and go to surgery. This other girl had to be at work at the same time but said she wasn't going to go...again. She also said she would take my friend home on Sunday to do laundry is she wasn't too hungover. We finally all got into cars except two guys who said "What are we doing?" and the whole thing started again. I got so fed up with it at the end of the night I screamed, "FUCKING ISLANDERS, MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS!" They made up their minds real quick, but probably never want to see me ever again. Oh well.

Saturday, while doing a jugular catheter on the ewe I was holding, the graduate student went straight through the vein. That's ok, just roll the sheep over. The jugular vein bleeds a lot and I got blood all over my leg. I got a lot of funny looks coming into my dorm. You would think these people have never seen a mild mannered George walk into the dorm with a massive amount of blood on their shorts and socks. What is with these people?

FACIAL HAIR ADVANCE!!

Jesus sat in front of me today with his laptop playing some ninja game and getting visibly upset when he didn't make it to the next level. He also has a shirt on promoting the Organization for the Advancement of Facial Hair (OAFH).

I also had a weird dream about surfing, but I woke up and decided I need a surface piercing on my back.

Tourists, Blech

I don't like Japanese tourists. They are like cockroaches here: they are every where, you can't get rid of them, and they are four feet tall. It is even the rainy season here. Let me tell you something about the rainy season here, IT SUCKS! It is like a bathroom sink faucet in the dorms. It gets turned on for either short or long periods of time, usually on full, gets turned off within a few minutes at the longest, and can be used again 30 seconds later or 30 minutes later. I have also noticed the national weather service doesn't even predict rain here. Everyday we are supposed to get no precipitation. I don't even think they look at the satellite and just assume we people in Hawaii know what the weather is like.

Sister, could you send me more yummy refreshments in the form of nothing coconut nor dark? Do you want macadamia nuts? They are on sale (all flavors) so just let me know if you have a hankering.

2 Questions

2 Questions for those who might know:

How often is it that your teacher doesn't show up for class? Mine didn't today and I think I am just lucky (we don't get Colombus Day off).

Why doesn't my computer recognize CDs that are blue on the bottom?

I ROCK!!!

I got the blood and iodine stains out of my surgery pants with out a pre-soak option on my machine. I ROCK AT LAUNDRY!!!

Somebody spilt their milk in the cafeteria tonight and then some one else came along, slipped, and spilled their shit. Chain reaction right by our table.

I'll Show You an Alarming Look At a Teenager

Friday night, Roomie and I went to see Thirteen at the Wallace Theaters (indie films only). It was a mutal agreement that we wanted THIS movie. After I vented some of the anger the movie caused me, I took time to reflect on it.

The movie is about a girl going into 7th grade. She is not ugly or anything, but is a little unpopular and is of course having all sorts of teenage angst. This angst is probably accentuated by the fact her divorced mom is dating a coke head and they and the girl's brother barely get by and the dad is just too busy to see his kids or take them on his weekends. She starts hanging out with this really popular girl and enters into a life of theft, sex, drugs (hardcore), rebellion, and moderate prostitution. All of this when she is in the 7th grade. Eventually, it gets so bad she is held back in the 7th grade and her mom finds all of her stuff because she has been semi-oblivious throughout this whole spiral.

I won't spoil the ending in case you want to see it because, despite the far-fetchedness of it all, it is a good movie. I say far fetched because I didn't know about most of this stuff until I was a freshman or sophomore in high-school. I knew some people who were never teenagers and virgins at the same time, but never this out of control in any manner. Rooie also never encountered people like this and she grew up in the city the movie takes place. There are a lot of reviews which call this movie an "alarming but realistic view into today's teenager's life". BULLSHIT! Speaking as a teenager today, I would like to point out I never crushed up perscription pill and snorted them through a straw or sold weed in the park, especially in the 7th grade.

On that note, I would like to mention that I did notice prior to the movie a large group of 12 or 13 year olds getting on the bus dressed in clothes I wouldn't be caught at a club in for the sake of being skanky giving the bus driver an attitude.

I'll leave it at that. I highly recommend this movie, but it might make you a little angry. It made me angry.

UPDATE!

Jesus broke his arm.

RS got my package.

I got my sister's package with tasty liquid mood altering refreshments, Mardi Gras beads, Flinstone (TM) vitamins (I am almost all out of my Jimmy Neutron [TM] vitamins), Luna (TM) bars, and some papers I wanted from her. THANKS SISTER!!!!

I got a letter from the youth director at church telling me I was in their prayers even though I never went to youth or even my own church for the last year I was in JC because they were a bunch of spoiled, stuck-up, snobby, bitchy pricks. I got along with about 5 of the people in my youth group out of around 60+ yeah, thanks. Doesn't it not work to pray for some one already in Hell?

Learned the meaning of the word "kickback" in a noun sense from Roomie. It means a small party with about 5-10 people where you just sit and chill.

Please God, NO!

Arnold as president??

Arnold on AOL

I think he may even get redneck votes because he's not a girly man. Oh lord, please help this nation see through its stupidity!

It Is a Sad Situation

I made the highest grade in the class on my most recent anatomy test. I got a 64. A 60 is passing. 11 out of 15 failed.

Just shoot me now.

AHNOLD!!

It was the men. Direct quote from my roommate who is from LA: "California is so fucking stupid! It was just a bunch of people thinking it was funny to elect him. I am so pissed off right now, I can't even talk about it"

Ahnold in office, baby.

"Despite recent reports that Schwarzenegger, 56, allegedly groped and sexually harassed at least 15 women, CNN exit polls showed that roughly 47 percent of female voters backed the Austrian-born actor. Men voted heavily for Schwarzenegger, according to these exit polls."

Does it bother anybody else that California's Governer has an action figure made of him?

Bad Me

I skipped out on going to the pig slaughterhouse today for 3 reasons:

1. I was slightly hungover from getting slightly buzzed the night before at the beach on the rocks (ok, so there are good points to Hawaii)

2. I had an Economics test to study for and a Rotaract meeting to go to.

3. I figure I'm the only person in the class that has ever euthanized and animal and that makes me exempt.

Edited to say: One more reason is that after my extensive handling of sheep in a semi-greusome manner, I can no longer eat lamb on the bone. I do not want my pork chops, pork ribs, or other pig on the bone tasty meats taken away from me.

Christmas Time in October

I love my mother.
Today I received one (1) larger box containing one (1) large box of brownies and cookies with the little m&ms in them, one (1) pair of Halloween socks, one (1) McDonald's toy with Ronald leaning against a glow in the dark star, one (1) box of hot chocolate (the good kind), one (1) happy meal toy spinner, one (1) bag of candied ginger, one (1) bag of ginger candy (there is a difference), one (1) bag of five (5) chocolate squares, one (1) box of Girl Scout Cookies, one (1) can of Moravian sugar cookies, one (1) personal hand-held fan, one (1) bag of plasticware, one (1) bag of clothes pins, two (2) Shout wipes, one (1) Girl Scout "Leader", one (1) box of tea, and some mail that I REALLY did want. There might have been something else. She sent me a bunch of sweets, and a note that my taxes will be arriving in a separate envelope.

NOTE: Blogger does recognize McDonald's and will correct you if you don't spell it right.

Did you know...

Did you know:

The average person produces about 12,000 gallons of urine over the course of their lifetime? (unless you are the Future Mrs. JR, who pees 5x as much as everybody else)

Anthropologists know of no human society whose children do not play hide and seek?

"Polyiterophilia" is the inability to have an orgasm with one partner unless first engaging in sex acts with many others?

A cat can jump five times as high as it is tall?

One third of all German children are on some sort of medication?

The average nipple size is 0.27 inches for women and 0.22 for men?

There is a picture of a naked breast with a nipple piercing on this page?

Bus Luck

Roomie and I were waiting at the bus stop, with about 6 other people, and we see our bus come, so we stand at the sign, and the us comes, slows down, the driver looks at us, slows almost to a stop, and just keeps on going. We had to wait 30 min for the next one. We are both writing strong letters of unhappiness to the company. This was right after our conversation about how us mainlanders are always discriminated against in Hawaii.

On the bus ride back, there was this chick in the back of the bus with balloons and a gathering of other girls telling her how well she sand while she was belting out off pitch, out of tune, Mariah Carey songs. We were sitting next to the driver and he said (not over the intercom) "Brittany Spears, take it easy back there".

Are You Claustrophobic?

I was all sweaty and smelling like dead animal, drinking milk by the grocery between muscle dissection and putting jugular catheters in four ewes, and some guy from the art department comes up to me and asks me if I would like to model in the art department in an upcoming sculpture. He was VERY animated about this sculpture, but it involves me getting propped, standing with about 9 other people on a bamboo structure, and having a sheet soaked in plaster thrown on top of us. I think I will call him back about it. It sounds really cool. Even if the sculpture doesn't go anywhere I can always say I did it.

Ode To The Rain

What the hell is this stuff outside?
It's wet and on it reflections seem to glide.
You must be the rain I prayed for for the last 90 days
When my whole world was in a muggy, non-windy haze.

Alas, my room does not have air conditioning
So we depend on the whole wind and rain thing
To keep us cool
When we aren't at school.

I love you rain, my best friend
To the disgruntled dormer you do tend
And temperatures and tempers seem to cool
Especially mine as I'm listening to Tool.

Update

Jesus shaved his moustache, but kept his beard.

My anatomy professor called me in his office to tell me I was doing badly in that class as if I didn't know already.

Apparently I have to have good reason for not wanting to get drunk.

The bitches next door have aquired a hammer. And tribal music.

So Yeah, Like, Totally

So I'm sitting in Evironmental Economics and this is the coversation between the professor and this chick.

Professor: I mean, does any one here really stay awake at night because they are thinking about landfill problems? How many people care enough about the big fire in central Illinios that they can't sleep?

Chick: I do.

Prof: Really? Are you from there?

Chick: No, but I've been there.

I even saw the professor roll her eyes.

Why...

WHY:
Are the bitches next door compelled to play their annoying teenie-bopper music at top volume so it is louder than MY music when my head phones are on, and the driven further to start singing at the top of their little Samoan lungs about 5 keys off and fluctuating between flat and sharp? O god why won't they shut up??? My left eyeball is going to pop a blood vessel.

Do the bitches next door never take out their trash and the bugs the attract fly into our room when the door is open?

Do the bitches next door bring boys over to have loud, moany, bumpy, screamy sex at all hours of the day?

Do the bitches next door have loud, moany, bumpy, screamy sex to their loud teenie-bopper music?

Is there always some chick in the bathroom puking?

Is my new lab partner a pussy and can do any physical part in the experiment after he gets a 1st degree burn on an extremely small area of his pinky on his left hand and makes me do all the work?

Are you still reading this?

A Fairy Tale Wedding

Did you know the have weddings in space?

"In August, Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko caused a stir when he married Texas resident Ekaterina Dmitriev as he orbited 240 miles above the Earth. The ceremony was held in Texas, which allows weddings in which one of the parties is not present. "

I just want to know how that works, having a wedding when one of the parties is not present.