Friday, May 14, 2004

Momentary Break

The computer is now being packed up. See you all on the mainland.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

GOOD NEWS!!! Roomie, originally planning to stay in California, has decided to stay here!! YAY!!!

Play With Me

"Veins are tapped by one means or another and the blood is collected." Introduction to Animal Science by W. Stephen Damron


1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

French Braided Porkchops

I saw something today. I think everybody should have one. This guy had a full on beard with sideburns and moustache and everything. What he did was he made French Braids in his porkchops until his chin where he put them into one single braid off the tip. He also walked all over the side walk with the occasional step into the grass or road. Pictures of Facial Hair.

Side Note: Remember Jesus in my Chemistry class? He had a shirt for the Organization for the Advancement of Facial Hair (OAFH). Can anyone find me a working link to that site?

Calculus Derives Me Crazy

I took my calculus final today. It was like getting fucked up the ass, menos el Vaseline. I know most of you are, for lack of better terms, computer geeks and graduated from computer schools with computer books and computer classes, including higher levels of calculus. Just bear with my sorrow at losing this one for I am but an animal scientist, unworthy of such knowledge. I deal with reproduction, not the volume of curves around the y-axis. I am, however, finished with this devil. I don't believe I got below a C in the class (in fact, despite my bitching, I think I got a B), so I should never have to take the brutality of it all again. Unfortunately, I will probably not retain ANY of the information. On the bright side, I got $56 for my calculus book alone. Animal Science gets sold back tomorrow, and physics a day after that.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

The Exorcism

The song "Tubular Bells" makes me very happy. It makes me want to watch The Exorcist, which also makes me happy. Watching The Exorcist in French or with director's commentary makes me even happier.

The Nicest People In Hawaii

Nicole and I have had a hard time finding a storage facility that can provide us with afoordable, available space. We were looking for something about a 4x8 or a 5x10. Most places gave us quotes from $95-$137 a month. Most places were very rude to us, empty, far away, or a combination of the three. I got hung up on twice and redirected to a wrong number by three different facilities. Nicole got two of the iciest, coldest, meanest people there ever were. We both talked to a number of storage facilities with no vacancies. The last people I called were A-American Storage. They were the nicest people I have met on Hawaii thus far. I called twice, once to ask and another to reserve my spot. Each time they remembered my name. When we went today they took us up to choose our space. They remembered my name, that I was a student, and had me talk to the same guy I talked to on the phone. They even gave us free boxes and a 25% discount, leaving us to pay only $75 a month until September 1st. I felt like I had to smile leaving that place. They have the best customer service I have ever encountered and are probably the friendliest people in Hawaii. If only my bank was the same way...

Wish me luck on my calculus final tomorrow.

Saturday, May 08, 2004


For those who have never read any of Irvine Welsh's books (Trainspotting, Acid House, Glue), let me start off by saying they are wonderful. Currently I am reading Porno, the sequel to Trainspotting (I read that for a monologue in theater two years ago). The only problem with reading a book with the title Porno is that you can't read it just anywhere without getting strange looks and remarks from people. This could be coupled with the fact most people out here don't read for fun and most don't know Trainspotting was a book before it was a movie. This makes it even harder to explain who the author is when asked about the book. Most of the time I get the haughty sideways glance from "proper women" on the bus or in a sandwich shop. I also get the leering check out look from the more unsavory patrons of my public reading areas. I think it is fascinating how one word, a book title, can make people assume I'm into the sex-industry. I don't think it looks like a how-to manual. Maybe it is because it is a seemingly taboo thing. If I were reading Construction Work for Dummies, I do not think many people would believe I was looking to be a construction worker. Maybe it is that people don't know what to think when they see the book except it is somehow wrong. The most common vocal reaction I have come across is somebody seeing the title and saying "Porno?" and nothing else. Not "Is that a dirty adult book?" or "Are you in the porn industry?". No. Just "Porno?"

My Career As a Pollster

Try taking my Blunt Truth quiz. In this safe environment you can answer questions and give me an idea of how much you hate me.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Feliz Seis de Mayo

I hope everybody had a fun time last night for Cinco de Mayo. I had quite an eventful day filled with comida mucha (much food) y cerveza mucha (much beer). To start it all off, I talked to my sister on the phone an discussed plans. She was going to Krogers for food stuffs; I was going to the mall for a new watch. I stole a Japanese nwespaper and cursed at many number 4 buses (I needed the 6) while sister was on the phone. Roomie made REAL enchiladas. The were SO yum. Since I didn't get out of class until 20:00 last night, I decided my comida contribution would be Velveeta and Rotel dip. When I went to the grocery I found zero (0) cans of Rotel tomatoes. I just used diced tomatoes and chilies, figuring it was the same thing. It was.

After we fed all of us (8 people) we started with the Mexican drink. Nicole and I thoroughly enjoyed our Coronas in the pool. There is nothing more relaxing than sitting in an inner tube drinking a beer. Following the beer in the pool were the shots. I gave my first body shot to one of the hostesses of the evening. This was followed by much more of the intoxicating beverage for every one, but not from between my busom. In true Cinco de Mayo form, Roomie (the only Mexican on the island) ended up with her head in the toilet, bathtub, and trash can.

Good times on Mexican holidays.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Salsa! Merengue!

Hola, amigos. Happy Cinco de Mayo! Today, after classes are done at *20:30*, I will be going down to the apartment. Two of my girlfriends just moved in. Last night Nicole and I made spaghetti and meatballs in meat sauce. It was yum. Celebrations for tonight should include some tequila, Mexican food, dancing, and Mexican music. Oh yes, and we will be partying with my roommate, a bonafide Mexican. We all have one more reason to celebrate in the 808, today is the last day of classes. Finals are next week, and I should be on the mainland in less than two weeks. I will be with Palila for a good first bit, so I may or may not see some of you soon!!

Have a happy Cinco de Mayo, but please don't let Jose drive. Find some poor sap who will be willing to be a DD, call a cab, or walk.

Here is some Cinco de Mayo history to put you in the merengue mood.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Writing On The Wall

Saturday I got out of the shower and noticed a bird sitting in the hallway. I put on shoes and started trying to chase the little bugger down three flights of stairs to get him outside. I got him down to the second floor and he flew from wall to wall just sitting there. Since I had just gotten out of the shower, I had a towel on my head. I was also taking a pizza box out to the dumpster (have to watch out for cockroaches and all). I thought I could lure him out with crust, but in the end I looked like a crazy person with a green towel on their head, waving crust at a bird, yelling and fussing at it. The stupid bird even hopped up and down the halls chirping to piss me off even more. Then the dumb bird flew up to the fourth floor. He's still up there as far as I know and he chirps when I walk up the stairs. This story is not about the bird. It's about the graffiti I saw on the second floor on either side of the second floor RA's (Resident Advisor) door. It was written in black Sharpie marker.

On one side was:

And on the other side:
"Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks!"

Some one had tried to cover them up with our Crime Alert posters (posters that tell us when there have been sexual assaults or violent crimes on campus). Later that day the offending graffiti had been drawn over to make a kind of stained glass mural artwork effect.

Sunday, Ghetto Hall residents got this e-mail:

To residents of Ghetto Hall B,
Recently, two large patches of graffiti were discovered in GHB 2nd Floor. I need anyone with information regarding this vandalism to contact me, as soon as possible. The estimated cost of repairing the wall may be in excess of $1000-2000. If the person responsible is discovered, we can avoid charging residents to pay for the repair work. If we do not learn the identity of the person(s) responsible, these charges will be assessed as a group charge.
We are also taking steps to identify the culprit(s) by having the handwriting analyzed and compared to resident handwriting in our files. We will update the hall when we receive these results.

My phone is 462-6277. You can also reply to this email message.

Please refer to the Student Housing Handbook for more information regarding vandalism and group assessments.

Thank you,
Peter McNally*

Hall Director
Ghetto Hall
xxxx Pineapple St.
Honolulu, HI 96822
*Names have been changed for my protection. I don't give a shit about them.

I think they both need to pull the sticks out of their asses. See the second floor RA is a big asshole who nobody likes. Not even the other RAs. He wrote a letter about how they were all incompetent. He was an HD (hall director) at another dorm, but got demoted and kicked out to an RA in our dorm. HE probably complained to our HD who was complacent just to shut him up. I wish they would just quit with this Gestapo crap because nobody is going to confess. You can clean off the wall or paint over it. White paint does not cost $1000. They could even have that floor's residents clean it off/paint over it. I think they are all dumbasses.

Creepy Guy Returns

You may or may not recall the original conversation I had with my creepy stalker guy. He hasn't called in a while, but this morning as I was blow-drying my hair the phone rang. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: Hello? Hello?
He: Hello, it's me. *cough*
Me: Who is this?
He: You don't recognize me?
Me: No, who is this?
Me: I think you have the wrong number.
He: No I don't.
Me: I think you do.
He: I do not!
Me: You've called here before with the wrong number. This is the wrong number.
He: *cough*
And then I hung up. In the original conversation, the creepy guy claimed he had strep or a sore throat. He sounded exactly the same, kind of stalker/rapist/serial killer voice. It's kind of deep, raspy, taunting, and, well, just all around creepy. Maybe he's had strep for 4 months. I wonder why Heather never answers the phone when he calls. I thought that maybe he was looking for somebody who used to live here, but his call would have started last semester. They didn't start until this semester.

I should be glad because my stalker is just somebody who sounds obsessed and slightly psychotic. Nicole has a guy who calls and jacks off on the phone. Both of these stalker people could be in connection to Nicole's crazy psycho bitch ex-roommate who got kicked out in January. The phone calls didn't start until after she left.